Who would have imagined the initials V.D. would be so revered? It’s February 14th… Join me in celebrating the kick ass pagan holiday (actually, it’s more of an ancient fertility festival thingy) called Lupercalia: which gave way to the modern version of Valentine’s Day. Damn right! It’s that time of year one needs to prove one’s romantic prowess by sending a teddy bear or pajamagram to one’s betrothed, apple of one’s eye, or “it’s complicated” F.B…That kind of unique holiday. Oh yea. What other modern holiday emphasizes displaying physical affection in its most primitive form? I ask you, how many people indulge in foreplay and romantic liaisons on Arbor Day? Not too many, lest ye take “getting wood” literally, but I digress. So, greeting card companies want us to immerse ourselves in the opulent, titillating (that’s right, I said “tit”) world which Hallmark and Madison Ave. commercialization have hijacked…because of these ridiculously over-priced cards – probably written by introverted, bordering on nutty people sitting in cubicles – you can savor newly found sensual and erotic freedom in expressing yourself (with other people’s words) and be as confident in doing so as saucy “working girls” plying their trade at an upscale Parisian brothel. If that’s not showing confidence in L’Amore, what does? Be that as it may, I refuse to pay over five bucks for a piece of mass produced paper that uses possessive pronouns to express my feelings written by nutty people who don’t know me. So I’m making a nice Valentine’s Day card for my wife out of recycled waffle boxes, Chinese menus, and a Sharpie (thus, helping Mother Earth.) Now I must bustle! So, the dog and I wish you a great day! Valentine’s Day. National Organ Donor Day (which is also February 14th). No matter what day you celebrate today, go forth and enjoy! Enjoy it as much as lustily consuming a big, succulent, bulging cream-filled cannoli. And yes, I’m aware of the symbolism of cream filled cannoli and organ in the same post. Just keepin’ it real folks, just keepin’ it real.